William Rossoto, Artist, Author, Residential Designer, Photgrapher,

Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Dialogue & Art

   
Discovering yourself through art.......



   Recently while painting some "abstract explorations" I heard an enormous amount of internal dialogue going on that I hadn't heard before.........some of this will sound a bit.....crazy, and I don't take it to seriously myself.


    This isn't some poltergeist sort of thing occurring and my mind wasn't taken over by aliens nor was I using mind altering substances.....though, that might be of help in my explorations into the abstract realms of painting. When in the creative sphere whether writing, doing visual art or designing homes I always have a sort of positive inner guide, the quite voice that helps me to make decisions, what colors and content is best, etc., but the very small voice in the back of this voice is what I heard while doing the abstracts. It is not the voice of the muse, nor the reflections of academia or anything that I can recall being fed into my brain, though of course somewhere along the path of life I may have encountered it and completely forgotten the makings of it.

    Most of the time  I do figurative or semi-figurative work, take a lot of time to do them, exercise a
great amount of detail and am unable to leave white space. The abstract explorations are quite unlike the previously mentioned, taking little time, very loose, little detail and a lot of white space. I'm forcing myself to go outside my comfort zone, to broaden my artistic horizons mostly because I've been experiencing an "artist block" for some time now and desperately wanted a breakthrough of some sort.


   For some reason, while doing these abstract explorations the little voice in back of the little voice is telling me, "what I'm doing is wrong, inconsequential, I should take more time to complete them, there is no detail and this makes the work worthless, why am I leaving so much white space and why am I not doing more conceptual work that would mean something, and on it goes". Good grief!!!! I'm curious to know if other artist have experienced these sorts of inner commentary.

   What's funny about all of this to me is the contrast of having an enormous amount of fun and freedom while hearing a very derogatory and critical inner voice....the voice behind the inner voice. My general day to day inner dialogue is quite positive and I enjoy life a great deal, yet here is this mini voice ranting and raving negative about something I'm having fun doing. Maybe some art psychoanalyst could explain all this to me and tell me what I already know such as, I'm simply crazy and maybe I should do some art therapy. Anyway, I would love to hear from other artist artist on this topic.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Truthful Musings From The Studio


"MisMusings" from the studio.

As an artist I would suspect that we all experience peak moments of creativity, connecting with the divine, being a tool of that which is greater than ourselves and producing amazing art work. On the days I'm really in sync I can feel a tingle from the bottom of my spine rising all the way up through my crown chakra. Other days when only questions, anxiety, lack of confidence, insecurity, and to many questions come in to play to be of any real creative force I sit waiting for inspiration or simply do something else.

 Sometimes the best thing to do on days when it feels like your forcing the creative process is to do something completely different, take a walk, sleep, climb a mountain, or maybe go roller skating. Other times I find that if I simply make myself pick up my old wood handled brush and weave strokes of wet vivid liquid over the canvas, that I will let go of my inner chatter, circuitous internal dialogue, and find myself happily in the groove of creating, letting go, and free from misconception and attachment to what my mind tells me is real. Of course things can take another direction such as, producing a really ugly overworked painting, but this can also allow for new revelations in the direction you may really want to take.


I am, at this moment, talking myself into painting, picking up those beautiful brushes, mixing the sensuous chromatic liquids, brushing across the gleaming linen that beckons for me do something, anything!

Today I am working on a collaborative project and musing about my new Polo equestrian series. This is the first time I can recall being apprehensive about how to proceed with my art. Possibly, to much thought and to little action are at play as I look at the sketches on the walls, wondering how I want to approach them with paint and brush. Part of my mind plays the familiar tune of, simply apply action rather than thought, and the other half says that I might want to think some more, make more mock up paintings and be more sure of the direction I want to take. I'm feeling a bit insecure, wondering if what I paint will be acceptable. Acceptable to who? Acceptable for mass intake? Acceptable for sales. I can't believe these hesitations, questions, and feelings of inadequacy are roaming the my neural pathways, and making me pause from taking action. I have never done this before. I have always felt self assured, confident, committed to creating whatever was in the spirit of creation with no forethought of, 'is this okay, and will it be liked by people?"

Where did this come from? Why am I thinking rather than doing? Why am I consumed by the thought of acceptance and admiration?

To much coffee stimulating my neural network into senseless acts of introspection having nothing to do with reality, or so I tell myself this tale to sooth the savage reaper of non creativity.

The truth is, that I am far outside my arena of comfort. I usually create purely from instinct, intuition, some internal guiding force that I have relied on for the last thirty years, the one that tells me what's next and guides my hand smoothly across the canvas. I felt comfortable from that vantage point, never knowing where I was going, yet ending up in the right place without so much conscious effort. Now I am creating a series for a particular reason, or so it seems........
I am on a path to be purely a "professional artist", to support myself solely from my art work, believing that if I give the audience what they want, I will sell. In reply to previous statement I reply, "rather mundane, simplistic, egoistic, and functioning more in the economic sphere, rather than the spiritual, unseen, the place of risk, adventure, unknown, the possibilities that would not exist otherwise, living truth and expressing it".

Pragmatism and income weigh heavily on my mind when encroaching the idea making my bread from art. Somehow when I do architecture the process seems so much easier. I get a job, work with the client, design, draw the design & mechanics of it, get paid, and done. I see architecture that way, as a means, as creative process ending with bread on table. In painting I have always felt it as a place of refuge, freedom from the litany of responsibilities such as, planning, making money, etc. I am simply experiencing a new concept for my art, and my heart will not sink in doing so.

You are witnessing my thoughts in action here, hope it's not to boring as I make my best effort to try and conclude what I am actually doing with my art and why I am having such a difficult time proceeding, actuating, putting paint to canvas. I hope that you, the reader might find solace if you are lost as I am, and if you are on the other side of the spectrum of creativity I ask that you might share your thoughts.

Saying For The Day: Seek truth, and while your doing it be truthful.