Truthful Musings From The Studio

"MisMusings" from the studio.

As an artist I would suspect that we all experience peak moments of creativity, connecting with the divine, being a tool of that which is greater than ourselves and producing amazing art work. On the days I'm really in sync I can feel a tingle from the bottom of my spine rising all the way up through my crown chakra. Other days when only questions, anxiety, lack of confidence, insecurity, and to many questions come in to play to be of any real creative force I sit waiting for inspiration or simply do something else.

 Sometimes the best thing to do on days when it feels like your forcing the creative process is to do something completely different, take a walk, sleep, climb a mountain, or maybe go roller skating. Other times I find that if I simply make myself pick up my old wood handled brush and weave strokes of wet vivid liquid over the canvas, that I will let go of my inner chatter, circuitous internal dialogue, and find myself happily in the groove of creating, letting go, and free from misconception and attachment to what my mind tells me is real. Of course things can take another direction such as, producing a really ugly overworked painting, but this can also allow for new revelations in the direction you may really want to take.

I am, at this moment, talking myself into painting, picking up those beautiful brushes, mixing the sensuous chromatic liquids, brushing across the gleaming linen that beckons for me do something, anything!

Today I am working on a collaborative project and musing about my new Polo equestrian series. This is the first time I can recall being apprehensive about how to proceed with my art. Possibly, to much thought and to little action are at play as I look at the sketches on the walls, wondering how I want to approach them with paint and brush. Part of my mind plays the familiar tune of, simply apply action rather than thought, and the other half says that I might want to think some more, make more mock up paintings and be more sure of the direction I want to take. I'm feeling a bit insecure, wondering if what I paint will be acceptable. Acceptable to who? Acceptable for mass intake? Acceptable for sales. I can't believe these hesitations, questions, and feelings of inadequacy are roaming the my neural pathways, and making me pause from taking action. I have never done this before. I have always felt self assured, confident, committed to creating whatever was in the spirit of creation with no forethought of, 'is this okay, and will it be liked by people?"

Where did this come from? Why am I thinking rather than doing? Why am I consumed by the thought of acceptance and admiration?

To much coffee stimulating my neural network into senseless acts of introspection having nothing to do with reality, or so I tell myself this tale to sooth the savage reaper of non creativity.

The truth is, that I am far outside my arena of comfort. I usually create purely from instinct, intuition, some internal guiding force that I have relied on for the last thirty years, the one that tells me what's next and guides my hand smoothly across the canvas. I felt comfortable from that vantage point, never knowing where I was going, yet ending up in the right place without so much conscious effort. Now I am creating a series for a particular reason, or so it seems........

I am on a path to be purely a "professional artist", to support myself solely from my art work, believing that if I give the audience what they want, I will sell. In reply to previous statement I reply, "rather mundane, simplistic, egoistic, and functioning more in the economic sphere, rather than the spiritual, unseen, the place of risk, adventure, unknown, the possibilities that would not exist otherwise, living truth and expressing it".

Pragmatism and income weigh heavily on my mind when encroaching the idea making my bread from art. Somehow when I do architecture the process seems so much easier. I get a job, work with the client, design, draw the design & mechanics of it, get paid, and done. I see architecture that way, as a means, as creative process ending with bread on table. In painting I have always felt it as a place of refuge, freedom from the litany of responsibilities such as, planning, making money, etc. I am simply experiencing a new concept for my art, and my heart will not sink in doing so.

You are witnessing my thoughts in action here, hope it's not to boring as I make my best effort to try and conclude what I am actually doing with my art and why I am having such a difficult time proceeding, actuating, putting paint to canvas. I hope that you, the reader might find solace if you are lost as I am, and if you are on the other side of the spectrum of creativity I ask that you might share your thoughts.

Saying For The Day: Seek truth, and while your doing it be truthful.